Motor-Stadt Region

Lap Dancing Above the Salt

by Len VanderJagt
LVJ911@worldnet.att.net

  As I write this column, winter just won't quite settle in here. It seems even fall is wishy-washy. December, and near 50 degrees out? OK, out comes Ol' Wayne, to keep his seals moist, the oxidation off, and his electronic and electrical pathways limber, or something. Plus, I get to drive the 911!

  For the past few years I have not put Wayne in a bag for the winter. When I did, it worked very well. Then we would have an extended autumn or very mild winter, and all I got to do was look at a giant silver bag. Back in '93, circumstances didn't allow for bagging, and although I was concerned about the 911's welfare, and how not being bagged might effect the car, everything was fine in the Spring. I just followed the advice that I am about to repeat here.

  First, it may be useful to recognize that our Porsches are fundamentally similar to all other such devices, even the ones that aren't German. They were not conceived of or constructed as "fair weather" machines. Witness windshield wipers, snow tires (!), all-wheel drive, and now traction control.

  For those of us brought up on English sports cars, we knew that the probability of the car starting was inversely related to the number of clouds in the sky, multiplied by the relative humidity, plus the cube root of raindrops in the atmosphere, to the nth power, where n was the importance of getting where we wanted to go on a scale of 1 to 10. So, former English car owners are forgiven for believing that all cars start and run properly each year for a number of days equal to your age, as you slowly learn tricks to make them work.

  So what is our problem? Well, in Michigan and many other northern climes, barbaric units of government choose to slather our roads with corrosive chemicals all winter. Prior to galvanized bodies, our Porsches suffered mightily from these conditions. Since the late '70s, Porsches have been increasingly and effectively resistant to corrosion.

  Now before anyone starts foaming at the mouth, I am not suggesting that we subject our Porsches to the risks of daily winter driving, for a multitude of obvious reasons, most of which are related to the fact that all the other drivers out there are crazy. I am simply pointing out that Porsches can operate perfectly well in the winter, as the stepping-off point for my notions of alternative winter Porsche care.

  It seems as though we have fallen into a mindset which implies that they can't be driven after the Fall Color Tour, much as Michiganders seem to insist on "closing the cottage" on Labor Day weekend, three weeks before summer ends and six weeks before the Big Pretty happens. In both 1998 and 1999, I have had countless great days of on-the-road Porsche driving between Color Tour and New Years Day.

  What I do is to be sure that the 911 gets started and fully warmed up at least once a month, preferably within a three-week period. To do this, a 911 must be driven, and I suggest this for any car.

  Yes, there lies the rub, with the Demon Salt.

  If you watch carefully and daily, however, you will notice that we typically only have one period of weather longer than 30 days that we do not have road-clearing rain, or a protracted period of nonreplenishment of road salt. There are windows of opportunity during which selected roads near your home, which are lightly salted or totally unsalted, are dry and reasonably clear of crud. Dry is very important.

  Out you go, driving around the "home circuit," paying attention to using non-peak times and giving other vehicles extra room, especially if you find yourself behind them. This is not particularly "sporty drive," as my Yoko track tires designate, but it beats the pants off of just baking the desiccant bag and watching racing tapes.

  All warmed up, the moisture cooked out and all the seals, bearings, and working surfaces refreshed with various Mobile 1 product baths, Ol' Wayne is ready for another nap, with a trickle charge companion in January only. I can wipe him down with clean terry and Meguiar's, and he's fine, until his Big Spring Cleaning and Technical Inspection.

  For what it's worth, this has been working for me, and you may want to consider it as an alternative to the usual ritual. Let the scathing, condemning hate mail begin! Heretic! Heretic!